19 October 2004

The fallen angel

Portly Tumbledown was a large, and slightly overweight angel. Well, that wouldn't really be fair to the people of the world who are slightly overweight: Portly was exceptionally overweight, and unfortunately it got him down… in the biggest way possible.

One day, the clouds beneath him started to crumble and drift apart. In a panic he tried to use his wings to stop him falling, but they couldn't take the strain. Eventually, like a lead balloon, Portly plummeted to the ground and landed with an almighty splat on a flock of sheep.

They were none too pleased, but at least it softened his fall. Many villagers watched his descent from afar. Never had they seen an angel before, and they rushed to his aid.

The villagers attempted many projects in order to get him home again. They tried catapults; built towers of immense size that splintered and toppled as Portly climbed; and they even tried force-feeding Portly Bongo Bam Bam Burp Berries in the vain attempt to make his wind so explosive that he rocketed himself into the heavens. But nothing worked.

In the end, it was decided that the only course of action was to impose a diet on the angel. There would be no burgers, no sweets, and definitely no chocolates, and Portly would have to exercise daily under close supervision until he'd lost the weight.

After two months of near starvation, Portly was a changed angel. He'd lost weight and was fitter than ever. The villagers cheered as he flapped his immense wings and shot into the sky.

But he flew for days to no avail: he couldn't find his home, and the clouds and palaces he was used to just didn't exist any more. Portly was lost. In the end he returned to the village that helped him get airborn again. They were so pleased to see him that they threw a great festival and danced long into the night.

Portly never found his home, but he soon forgot about that. Life in the village was much better anyway, although the sheep never forgave him.