14 November 2004

Old Hokey's Field Guide (part 1)

You get lots of strange creatures and plants round here. Not your usual kettle of fish or punnet of strawberries, and i thought it might be nice to note them down.

1. The Floppy Jowled Flem Fox

It's noted that this animal is often heard rather than seen, for people regularly hear it snorting and croaking as it makes it's way through the night. It can be quite aggresive if you do bump into it, despite the fact that the picture makes it look friendly (I'm afraid my drawing skills fail to capture his true nature!).

2. The Blunderbuss Duck

One of my favourites in the animal kingdom. This very large-mouthed duck quacks so loudly that you can hear it up to four miles away. Thankfully, they like to live alone, but if you do ever see a number of them together remember to put on your ear muffs!

3. The Two-headed Monster Flax

A giant among plants, the Monster Flax towers above almost every other bit of flora on the planet. Interestingly enough, if you let the flowers dry out, they make excellent high-rise houses.

4. Bumbly Giganticus

And wherever you find a Monster Flax you'll find this humungous insect. No-one has ever found a hive, but it is well known that the Bumbly Giganticus crosses oceans and continents in its search for nectar. It is best to stay clear of these creatures, and you get prior warning by hearing the deafening drone of its wings. Rest assured though, that despite the fact that it could easily squash your house if it came to rest on it, Bumbly Giganticus would never have meant you harm. They are usually very gentle and lovely creatures, and should be respected and most of all admired for the good work they do.