25 November 2004

Mrs Fluffbin's Earwax

Have you ever had the sort of earwax that looks like an animal when you pull it from your ear? I admit it's a rare occurence for most, but Mrs Fluffbin made a living from it.

It all started one dark evening in November, as Mrs Fluffbin's family was huddled around the fire. In a fit of spontaneity, she pulled a great lump of earwax from her – admittedly extremely large – ear. She placed it on the table and asked the question:

'And what animal is this?

'A giraffe!' shouted her children.

And again Mrs Fluffbin delved deep within her ear and withdrew another clump of wax.

'And what animal is this?' she asked again.

'It's a Bob-bob!' they replied.

This marvellous game continued into the night. Even Mrs Fluffbin was amazed by the level of earwax residing in her head. But then, in a fine stroke of enterprise, she came up with a brilliant idea that would make her fortune.

With the help of Peculiar Pam, a very fine, if slightly colourful witch, she would be able to bring these wax creatures to life. Put them in a box, stick on a label and there you have it – Fluffbin's Waximals, the new craze on the block.

It didn't take long for Mrs Fluffbin to produce a whole menagerie of Waximals: there were ducks, monsters, rhinos – everything you could dream of and more. And with the aid of her whole family, who made and painted the boxes, and of course, Peculiar Pam, who cast the lovely little spell of life – and who got a tidy cut from the profits – the range soon hit the shops.

Waxanimals were an instant hit and flew of the shelves. And in the case of the bird models they really did fly from the shelves, but that was considered part of their charm and made them very rare collectors' items.

And so, the best lesson to learn from this is to make use of all your talents, no matter how strange.

Oh, and if any of you out there have the Bumbly Giganticus Waximal, I would consider trading it either for money, or with my second Blunderbuss Duck figurine. One's noisy enough, and I know how rare these things are. Now you know where to contact me if you come across one...